'Didn't want to get to a point where I resented the game'

It was around mid-2008 when Mark Butcher suffered a bad knee injury. It prompted a variety of surgeries and trips to Germany to consult a specialist, but nothing worked. By the time he started the domestic season in 2009, he found himself sucked into endless rehab and as skinny as a rail (on purpose) to try and take pressure off the knees. But the knee continued to swell up, even to the size of a melon.

You played just a handful of games in 2009 and your Surrey contract was coming to an end that year. Did that play a part in the timing of your retirement call?

I played a handful of games, and I just thought to myself I can't go through with this anymore. I'd have to go through another six months of surgery and rehab, so I thought this might be a good time to call it a day. I remember waking up one morning, might've been early August in 2009, and I turned to Claire, (his now wife), and said, 'I'm going to go and tell them I'm retiring'. She went, 'Oh, right. Okay. Are you sure?' I said, 'I'm sure.'.

Later that afternoon, we had a four-day first-class match starting at Whitgift school and the bosses were actually coming to me with a proposal of what they were going to offer me. Something to get me through to the winter to see if I could be ready to take them into 2010 because I was captain of the team as well. But I met them at the gate and said, 'Look, no, stop, I don't want to hear anything that you've got to say. Let me get there first! I'm calling it that day as of today.' And that was it.

How did they take it and how did you feel after?

It was a bit of a relief in many ways. There was a lot of anxiety with the injuries and the team was sort of struggling, going through a transition period at Surrey at the time. It just felt like a weight off my shoulders. There was a slight look of relief on the bosses' faces too. I don't know what it was they were going to tell me, and I'll never know! The next thing to do was tell the players. Most of them were pretty young guys who I'd given debuts to since I was captain since 2005. It was a bit emotional; for me, some of the players were emotional too. It was an end of a chapter for them and end of a chapter for me. I spent a bit of time in that tiny little dressing room there talking them through my decision, wishing them well for the future and outlining what I thought the path for the club would be and how their careers might help that along.

How were those last days at Surrey?

There was quite a big crowd for that game. It was mid-summer. It was a festival game at the school so there were a lot of supporters and fans and the word started to spread around that I had retired. I got a call from Sky. We obviously had a bit of media coverage, the Sky cameras came down to the game at Whitgift, I got a few interviews, that kind of stuff. And I was out. After that, we went to my local pub, which was just across the road and had a few drinks. Mark Ramprakash was one of the guys left from the 90s; we played against and with each other for almost 20 years, so he came over for a drink, along with few of the younger guys.

Can you put it down to one moment of clarity that you were done?

I think one of the things that prompted my decision was that I didn't want to get to a point where I resented the game; where I didn't have any love for it left anymore. It hadn't got there, but it was getting there. I was starting to grumpier about it. It was necessary. More than missing it or having pangs of regret, it was almost as much to stop me from not looking back and thinking: Wasn't that great? Wasn't I lucky? I wanted to leave it having loved it than get old and bitter about the whole thing.

Did you have any sort of plan at all for life after?

It was exciting and slightly worrying because I didn't have anything lined up to do. I didn't have a job waiting for me, a different career path, aside from the fact that I had done a lot of work TV-wise for the previous 10 years on an ad-hoc basis with Sky and various other things. So, I just figured, now that I'm not playing, I could throw more time and effort at that if they want me to. That was it.

Did you have second thoughts about the decision the next day or in the immediate future?

Not really. Even though the decision seemed like it was a rash one... and it was literally, I had plenty of time to prepare for it because of the amount of time I'd spent not playing. You know, one of the things I've said to other players and people across other walks of life after I retired was that often the most difficult thing to do is to jump. To pull the rug from under your feet. But once you've done it, there's a sort of freedom in that that allows you no choice but to flap your arms about and try and stay alive. It was kind of energising, the idea that I didn't have a contract anymore. I just needed to get out into the world and make something new happen for myself. Not everyone is the same, not everybody feels confident or has had a career behind them to be able to take a jump like that and go 'you know what, it's going to be fine'. I understand that. I'm not telling people this is what you do, but to me it was liberating. The next morning was like, 'Right okay, come on then, World, what are we going to do next?'

And what did you end up doing next?

I'm not a 100 percent sure, but I think I was back behind the microphone shortly after that. It was the middle of the summer in England and the Blast competition was going on. I'd been doing stuff on that anyway whilst I wasn't able to play, so I just dived in with all the media work. Test Match Special had me come on as a tea-time guest to talk about my career and that kind of stuff. There was a lap of honour at the end of it all. Nothing changed particularly, except for the fact that I now needed to find some engagements to things to do in the coming winter. I would stop being paid once my contract finished in September. I had kids and people to support and so I had to come up with ways to make some money. It was basically trying to get into as much media as I could and talking to my agent about what opportunities might arise on the commentary circuit around the world in the off-season in the UK.

Was there a major change in your mindset and routine?

Yes, there was! You're your own boss all of a sudden. You make your own decisions about how much or how little you're going to do. I probably didn't spend as much time on a golf course because my knee wasn't very good, but I was just on the phone a lot just trying to get things moving. To allow enough people to know that I was available to work.

I think, routine-wise, during the summer because 20 years of professional cricket, I'd never been on holiday during the summer or do any of the things people would normally do. So, I think we may have disappeared off to Spain for a few days for a break. With the summer being on, I found myself at cricket grounds as often as I would if I was playing really from then until the end of September. So, things didn't change out of recognition immediately anyway.

Adapting to retired life then was easier on you than most since you were involved just as much...

I'd already had the best part of the year to get used to it being injured, so I was ready. I was 37 and was ready to do something else even if it did feel like a real change it didn't bother me the slightest because I felt like my mind was already ready for it. Say somebody like Andrew Flintoff, for example, whose career came to an end before he was ready for it to. The adjustment that people have to make when that happens, when injury cuts you short, or you get the sack, or whatever it may be, that's horrendous. That's literally having your lifetime dreams wrenched away from you. You're being forced into a change that you didn't want. But for me, since I was ready, there was no emotional impact.

I remember this and it stands to this day... I didn't miss it for a day! The next day, the next week, the next month, I didn't have a single day where I thought I wish I could go back and play today, or I miss being in the dressing room with the lads. I've never had that which is incredibly lucky.

More time to yourself meant focusing on the music too?

My first album came out in 2010 I think... summer of 2010. And there was time to do more of that, to put more energy into that without feeling like I was neglecting my day job. There was always a bit of guilt involved if you're moonlighting, if you're perceived to take away concentration from the job that you're mainly expected to do. So, it was a lot easier to throw time and energy and even a bit of finance to get that first record out. It was something I'd always wanted to do. It'd always been an ambition.

Did the family life improve significantly too?

I don't think you realise as much at that time how much of your brain is taken up by thinking about or worrying or being concerned about cricket - either your performances or the team's. For me, by the end, my own performances didn't affect me a great deal as they would in my 20s when I was trying to be an international cricketer. A bad day then was a bad day, you carried it home with you and you were pretty awful to be around probably. That changed in the latter part of my career to carrying the team's fortunes around with me. Because I was captain and Surrey's been my life and the losses seemed to hurt a lot more the older I got, the closer to retirement I came.

On retirement, you lose that sense of responsibility...the thing I love about being a commentator and being in the media is that I get to love the game, watch and enjoy it and to have my cricket fix. But come the end of the day, I don't care who's won or lost. I don't carry it home with me anymore. You only realise the extent to which you do that as a player when you stop. There was a sense of light, I suppose...

Also read: The story of Kiran More, who prioritised his young daughters when he felt his time in the game was up