Cape Town diary: Of two-minute showers, Afrikaans slang and the Amla Army

January 2 - Safe Travels

I get to the Bengaluru airport early. It is still New Year's day actually and the traffic is just one of two reasons for my earlier-than-normal arrival. A dear friend, Vidya, is taking an earlier flight to London and we decide there's nothing like catching up over some mildly expensive airport food. The flight to Cape Town via Dubai is going to be the longest I've ever been on. I'm on seat 47K.

P.S: Trapped - a survival story of man locked inside a highrise apartment - is one of the better Bollywood films of 2017, but I will not recommend it if your flying time exceeds seven hours in the night or if you have aviophobia.

January 2 - Save like a local

It is still January 2. By my math, it should have been January 3. Not in beautiful Cape Town, where the sun is still shining. But my math has always been iffy. I once used long division to calculate Steven Finn's economy rate and still got it wrong. But I understand that 33% is quite low for the city's dams to be operating at. Cape Town is going through a severe water crunch and tourists are made aware of just that with a whole wall along the immigration queues dedicated to raising awareness.

The "Save like a local" campaign makes no bones about its water conservation plans. In the rest rooms, it advocates "Two minute showers". For flushing, it's a slightly less discreet "If it's brown, flush it down. If it is yellow, let it mellow. #TheNewNormal"

These are worrying times for the city with "Day Zero" - when city's dams will drop to 13.5 percent capacity and taps will have to be turned off - projected for April end. "The Mayor's office is keeping close tabs. May god be with us," says the genial immigration officer before adding: "Welcome to South Africa. Have a nice time."

Tristan Holme, Cricbuzz's South Africa correspondent and certified all-rounder, finds time between the press conferences at Newlands and his writing to pick me up at the airport. I'm not sure I thanked him for that. So here goes: Thank you, Tristan!

January 3 - Welcome to PPC Newlands

After my first two-minute shower, a group of journalists just turn a corner, all the while staring at Table Mountain, and find ourselves face to face with an electronic board that says PPC Newlands. PPC, I'm told by a certain Durban-based businessman Sudeep Khandelwal waiting by the gate, is Pretoria Portland Cement company. A quick google search tells me that PPC also produces aggregates, metallurgical-grade lime, burnt dolomite and limestone. Armed with that knowledge, I enter the stadium with my fellow journalists only to be denied entry at the gate without a media accreditation badge. We inform them that we'll have to enter the stadium to collect our badges and are let in. Sudeep suddenly remembers he's also a journalist and uses the same line of reasoning to gain entry.

Virat Kohli is not happy. And his pads bear the brunt of his anger. Jasprit Bumrah and Hardik Pandya, bowling in the second batch of India's bowlers, have beaten him on the corridor of uncertainty in India's penultimate practice session. The foliage on the pitch to his immediate left is green. Further left, adorning the Table Mountain, it is greener. Kohli walks to one of the outside nets and is nearly felled by a Raghavindraa bouncer. "Tu bindaas daal," he tells before crunching a half-volley next up. "If you don't get the swivel right in South Africa, you are dead," he says about that short ball.

January 4 - Return of the Steyn

Some of the travelling contingent stare disbelievingly as Dale Steyn bowls six balls at Dean Elgar in the nets, each more venomous than the previous. The pitch is still green. Faf du Plessis, in his pre-match addressal, doesn't rule the four-pacer strategy out. The stadium authorities are doing a final runthrough for the start of the big Test. They test the fire alarm just as Steyn beats Elgar's bat for the 18th time. The signs are ominous.

India have scheduled optional practice the day before the match and all the players use the option of not practicing. Sanjay Bangar fronts up for the press conference, much to the anger of the local media. "That's convention," one of them says to whoever will hear.

January 5 - Newlands is beautiful

Who does New Year's Test better than Newlands? Sydney may be as good. But not better for sure. There's a cooling sea breeze, a gentle midsummers sun and if you dare to look around, there's the Table Mountain right there. Some energetic fans (or foolish or both) have apparently gone up and down before start of play. I've left the exercise for those chosen 22 in the park and use the time to drink in the scenery.

It's a couple days late for the start of the New Year's Test and that means less cranial explosions among the 14000-strong crowd. But I could be wrong. There's a brewery right by the train station below the mountain that serves a constant reminder of the New Year revelries. What a picture for Bumrah to frame - a Test cap with that background. I change my Whatsapp display picture.

Tristan takes me to a spot just behind the fine-leg fence, where Bumrah, who is not having the greatest of debuts, is stationed. Just yesterday, he was retained by Mumbai Indians for a 7-crore deal. Today, he's found himself stuck between the devil and the de Villiers. He is bowling ODI lengths and de Villiers is counter-attacking him. When he is not bowling, he is fielding at fine-leg.

"You're too slow bro. AB is pulling you in front of square,"the first fan shouts."How's that IPL contract helping you now?,"says another.

Bumrah attracts more jibes when he fails to spot a ball and reacts late at fine-leg.

"You guys were so busy taking wickets early on, you've forgotten how to chase the ball.Virat's put you too square man. He should know better"

And then more when he misses his run-up. "When you skip so much, you'll miss your mark"

The 50 partnership between AB and Faf brings loud cheers and a pertinent question. "What is Cycle Pure Agarbathi?," James, the devil asks looking up at the giant screen. I say fragrant incense stick. He looks partly confused, partly incensed that someone answered his rhetoric. I slip quietly back to the press box.

January 6 - The Amla Army

It's deja vu for Rohit Sharma in South Africa as Vernon Philander bowls ball after ball going past his attempt at a forward defence. The Amla Army - the men and women with the floppy hats and fake beards - are creating all the atmosphere from the square boundary. You'd think their seats are ill-placed to appreciate Philander's seaming skills but they quickly remind me that it's the "bounceee" that matters more. Nothing lets you appreciate the bowler's lengths more than a view from the square.

They break into an impromptu chorus of "Bring back, oh bringgg back. Bring back my Vernyyy to me" to the tunes of the famous Beatles Song - My Bonnie. I wish I can sit here with the Amla army but I have a report to file.

January 7 - Then there's rain

Capetonians rejoice. My BnB owner Brenda tells me: "The beauty of Cape Town rain in the summer is that it's so gentle, it doesn't disturb our sleep." The rain washes out a whole day's play. It's a first for a New Year's Test since January 1936. But 22 wickets and with the need for precipitation, not many seem to mind. With no report to write, I walk around the stadium and find curator Evan Flint. He seems thoroughly excited about Bengaluru's sub-surface aeration system - which can start play 10 minutes after rain stops. Reversing our roles, he quizzes me about how that installation has changed the nature of the pitch in Bengaluru. On my way back, I find a small food stall run by an African middle-aged man, Lonwabo. He also has samosas in his menu because he knows he has Indian guests over. I gorge on a plate as he teaches me some South African slang based on who he sees passing by.

An oke is just a guy. A choty goty is equivalent to shawty or a beautiful girl. A soutie though is the derogatory Afrikaans term for a South African who speaks English. These South Africans were claimed to have one leg in South Africa and one leg in England, thus dipping their b**ls in the salty ocean. "Soutie" directly translated means "a salty".

Because the rain has stopped cable car services to the Table Mountain, I wind up at the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront. While crossing the bridge to get to the Clock Tower, I meet Silvia and her friends, who want me to click a picture for them. They are tourists from Italy on a 10-day holiday. Inter Milan fans, a bunch of them. I tell them about the cricket and tell them it's a series between No.1 and No.2. They think it's some kind of a championship final. I don't want to explain that the proposed championship cycle will start only post 2019. Too technical. We say goodbye.

January 8 - India lose, Cape Townians don't like Jubans

18 wickets fall in a day and India lose by 72. The South African media is happy. The Indian media is happy too. That's a free day for Cape Town sightseeing. Long after the Test match is over, a little geographical argument breaks out between the South African journos. This is over a description of a dismissal supposedly caused by the wind. "Is it the North-Westerly" or the "South-Easterly." After minutes of five grown men doing a fine impression of a wind vane, we get back to writing.

Back in the BnB, I ask Brenda about all places I can cover in Cape Town in one day. She hands me a tourist guide and then realises it's the Johannesburg one. "Oh no. Yuck, Yuck. I'm so sorry," she says before handing me one for Cape Town. I'm not sure what to make of that. I'm headed to Jo'burg next.